Dr Celiwe gets South Africa talking about financial abuse

A young female South African doctor often sparked a national dialogue on the form of family abuse that was sinking silently.

In a series of viral video, Dr. CeliWe NDABA opened a way that she was financially exploited by her husband.

Often sitting in a car on the way to work, three mothers were trapped in toxic marriage for several years despite her successful career for two weeks, and interrupted his needs for his husband’s lifestyle, especially his desire to drive Mercedes -Benz.

It is her “worst decision” in her life to get a loan to buy such a vehicle, and Dr. NDABA has been using her virgin name and lively the number of followers after sharing her story, Dr. NDABA said.

Despite her husband’s pleasure to downgrade, she accused her, “I want to change him into a smile by driving a small car.”

The medical staff said when she wanted to warn others, saying that she was a “lucky woman” who was “unlawful” but also in a relationship that abuses themselves.

Her alienated husband, Temitope Dada, did not respond to the BBC request.

After a social media storm, he set up a tiktok account, one of the first videos, “You’re … Mercedes or nothing.”

His posts are accompanied by havehtags like #divorcetrauma.

Nevertheless, the opinion section of Dr. NDABA’s tiktok and other social media platforms has been transformed into a support group, which has been transformed into a female bread crowd filled with a similar story.

One man said, “You are brave to speak publicly. I am suffering in silence.”

This is because Bertus Preler, a lawyer headquartered in Cape Town, is because it is not necessarily free from the clutch of the patriarchy, even if a South African woman becomes a doctor, a lawyer and an entrepreneur.

The financial independence of women collides with “cultural norms that prioritize male authority,” he said.

Whatever, their success seems to be aiming for them.

The lawyer explained that a partner has a financial abuse when a partner dominates or uses other partners’ financial resources.

“This is a subtle but powerful domestic violence tactics that aim to control the victim,” he said.

In South Africa, this is legally classified as economic abuse under domestic violence law.

Preler says that “to withhold money for essential assets or to interfere with shared assets” is dealt with by this law.

The university instructor who asked for anonymity told the BBC how her husband lied about her qualifications, and eventually left her as a financial ruin.

He drove mainly, but never refused began with her car. Then she was loaned for a number of failed business ventures. Lastly, she said she had stopped contributing to the rent and gave a notice of eviction and left all the costs of the family, including three children.

Nevertheless, they also stayed together for nearly 10 years despite being physically abused.

“He is very smart … I fell in love with his smartness, his great dream. But he could not follow them by action. His pride was his fall.”

Even when he made money, he still did not contribute.

“He began to withheld his money.

Somila Gogoba, a legal financial expert, says that financial abuse, which cannot be controlled by money, often has psychological roots.

“In the case of abusers, this behavior can be originated from inappropriate feelings, fear of abandonment, or the need for dominance,” she told she told the BBC.

“Psychological impacts on the victims include nothing, fear and dependence, which can be paralyzed.”

According to a study by the University of South Africa, they are not isolated, and women who support partners are at risk of intimate partner violence.

Only two of them were married in in -depth studies of 10 women, the main bread shop of the family.

“The choice of one of the participants is from the experience of physical, emotional, and sexual violence. All women said that their role as a female bread shop threatened the traditional male role of the provider.” Researcher Bianca parry said.

Goboba said that despite economic contributions, women’s bread shops are less valuable than men.

“This control is not just about money, but to maintain grip on power and relationships.”

Nombulelo Shange, a sociologist at Free State University, said that in South Africa, the middle class women are financially exploited.

“Black women are facing double patriarchy.

She is balancing the pressure of a successful woman, but he explained that it was difficult when women always taught me to deal with male self.

After Dr. NDABA’s revelation, social media women seem to pay a meal by sharing the story that they offer a difference or credit card when they go out.

Shange shows how the burden of a happy house is often placed on a woman’s shoulders.

“You think. ‘I will be happy if I get a car.’ I want to fix it when you have a hard time.

When a university instructor divorced her husband, she left a debt of 140,000 rands ($ 7,500; £ 5,600).

“I was able to plan something like a holiday before. Now they are luxury,” she said.

Dr. NDABA suffers from speaking to followers as she did in a blog. “Finance is an important aspect of people’s marriage.”

The instructor could no longer agree, and urged young women to spend time and to talk openly and honestly when they learned their partners.

“Talk about finances, talk about the background, talk about emotions and personality.”

GOGOBA urged more people to protect themselves from partners, instructing them to maintain a separate bank account, keep the pin safely, and monitor credit cards.

They all agreed that women should not understand that love should not be provided with an impossible price tag.